Frisco!

I have finally arrived.
What a breathtaking place.
Settling in. So much on my mind. So much tension and yet such a release at the same time.
I flew in last Friday and it's been lots of sightseeing and riding the train to wander the streets aimlessly.
And it's been a blast. 
The new chapter has started.

In Celebration...

My sweet Clementine is 1 year old today!

It is a pleasure just to know you.

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd

So much excitement, so many possibilities, so much... doubt?

Please let me get through these next few weeks.

If I can do this, I can do anything.

Long time no see..

Been too long.

Lots of change that will be nice to document.

Divorce. Cross country relocation in three weeks.

So much excitement. Possibilities are endless. Living life for the first time in almost 5 years.

Life is too short to be unhappy. It's funny how things work out if you just let them.

I used to think there was light at the end of the tunnel, but for me today the light is on a locomotive headed right for me.

Living with an addict isn't easy.

A day in the life of an addict is really quite sad and unfortunate.
Watching an addict on a daily basis for three and a half years is really quite deplorable and unnerving.
Witnessing an addict destroy themselves.. rot, decompose.. in every way imaginable... is really quite heartbreaking and tragic.
At least to everyone but the addict.

I really did the best I could.
Taking on your addiction like it were my own.
Letting your problems become my immediate problems.
Believing that maybe someday you'd believe the love you had for me was more important than the fleeting high you were constantly longing for.
I'm afraid I was of no help at all.
I'm no savior... messiah.
It's impossible to save someone who doesn't want to be saved.
And I will officially agree that, yes, I was wrong.

It was naive of me to even try.
I couldn't control falling in love with you.
I couldn't control looking beyond the flaws you acquired from a life of disappointment.
I couldn't control wanting to help you and give you a better life.
I couldn't control the fact that my mind made you into something that you could never live up to.

So here I am... moving on.
What does that entail?
Your guess is as good as mine.
But I am not the me that started this fucked up roller coaster ride three and a half years ago.
Bridges have been burned.
Boundaries have been crossed.
Tears have been shed.
I've learned a great deal.
Aged beyond my years.
Loved and lost.
And realized that sometimes you just have to let go.

"We need a record of our failures.

Yes, we must document our love.

I have sat too long in my silence.

I have grown too old in my pain.

To shed this skin, be born again, it starts with an ending.

So thank you friends for the time we shared.

My love stays with you like sunlight and air.

Oh how I truly wish I could keep hanging around here... but my joy is covering me.

Soon, I will disappear.

It's not a movie, no private screening.

This method acting, well, I call that living here.

It's like a fountain, a door has been opened.

We have a problem with no solution but to love and to be loved.

So, I've made peace with the falling leaves.

I see their same fate in my own body.

But I won't be frightened when I am awoken from this dream...

and returned to that which gave birth to me."

-Method Acting, Bright Eyes

The unreal is more powerful than the real...

Insomnia... how I love thee. So here's a recommendation.

The Happening.
Directed by M. Night Shyamalan. Written by J. Spurlin. With Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel, John Leguizamo.

While in theaters, all I heard from others was... "Don't waste your money!"... "Frankly, it sucked donkey dick."... etc, etc. And I listened for some unknown reason. But this is me, disagreeing. And yes, I did only waste a few (okay five) dollars on a rental as apposed to $40 at the theater (what with the necessary date, popcorn, soda bigger than my skull and of course the sour patch kids..), but I would honestly say I would've enjoyed it either way.

M. Night Shyamalan is sort of hit or miss, I'll give you that. But he kind of possesses that artsy, forward thinking mindset that always conjures thoughts of what possibilities this life and planet and our fucked up civilization might have to offer.. which I can dig. Sure, it was pretty much laid out for him, seeing as it was a book, but I'd say this one was a winner.

And what a concept. It could have possibly been unified a little more effortlessly... leaving fewer what the fuck?'s and how is that possible??'s, but if you look beyond what is realistic and try to see the bigger picture... it's pretty awesome.

I don't want to give it away if you haven't yet seen it, but it's based on the idea that scientific theories are well.. just theories. and possibly the entire human race is merely a pestilence wreaking havoc on the entire planet.

What do we really know anyway?!

“The unreal is more powerful than the real because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. Because its only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. stone crumbles. wood rots. people, well, they die. but things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on.”

-Chuck Palahniuk

The Aftermath of Election 08'

As a wave of relief washes over the entire country, partly because Obama was elected(which I had no doubt), but mostly because the pre-election nightmare of campaigning is over, it is time to embark on change.
What all that will entail, who knows?!, but at least we are free to keep the hope alive and have some sort of semblance of a future. Best of all, John McCain and Sarah Palin will have no part in it!
It's impossible to imagine things from here on out will be simple. And yes, we will have to wait until the 20Th of January for the inauguration, but there is an immense amount of hope that will give this country an opportunity to take a deep breath and let this man figure it all out however he deems necessary.
Personally, I'm really excited that I will never have to imagine what might have happened if McCain and Palin had pulled it off. Not that I even believed for a second they could have, but still. What a relief!!

It's going to take a while to get over some of the other ridiculousness that comes along with electing the first (partially) African American president. As if the color of his skin or genetic history have anything to do with his ability to lead this country.
It really does effect me when I repeatedly hear references to "fried chicken and watermelon" and just the general disgust of individuals too ignorant to accept his accomplishments despite his skin color. And I'm sure the next four years (possibly eight) will be full of comparative judgements, but I guess it's impossible to expect more from people. Even I, a white middle class female in my twenties, face countless prejudices daily. Whether it's my tattoos or pink hair or overall confidence in myself despite my personal irregularities. Not that I should be an exception because of my skin color, but unfortunately that is all some people choose to see.

Here's to getting through the next two months without a national catastrophe and looking toward the future, without judgement or prejudice or hate. It's time to move on people.